In the Suited 16 battles, our field was pared down to the Gator, the wildcats, the Husky, the Wolverine, The Badger, the Flyer, and the Spartan. Surprisingly, both bears perished. Unsurprisingly, both cardinals finally fell. And miraculously, our final inanimate object was slain by our Lord and Savior Dayton Flyer.
Here are this round’s predictions:
SOUTH
Florida Gator vs. Dayton Flyer
I appreciate the Flyer more than I’ve appreciated any mascot in the past five years. He is my hero. But as historic as his run has been…ultimately, he’s defeated a handful of everyday items. Literally things you might easily see on a daily basis. The Gator is just making his way through the mammalian families: Canidae, Felidae, Ursidae, and now Hominidae. The Flyer’s protective eye- and neck-wear will do nothing against the Gator’s jaws. Predicted winner: Gator
EAST
**Mich. St. Spartan vs. UConn Husky
This is the Husky’s largest and most deadly opponent to date, having defeated two birds and a cat in previous rounds. You know, dog stuff. I’ve seen 300. One of the Spartan pre-teens does battle with a vicious wolf, and to put it gently, he shoved a fucking spear down the wolf’s goddamn throat until it died. Predicted winner: Spartan
Step 1: Circle menacing opponent menacingly
Step 2: Insert spear into opponent’s throat
WEST
**Arizona Wildcat vs. Wisconsin Badger
The Badger is a fierce fighter, having just dispatched a damn Bear. But the Wildcat’s overall run has been more impressive, defeating another wildcat, the Bulldog, and an armed Aztec warrior. To me, this comes down to size more than anything. The Wildcat (as a semi-mythical lynx-bobcat amalgam) stands two feet tall, is four feet long, and weighs about 40 pounds. The Badger is one foot tall, two or three feet long, and only 20 pounds. The Wildcat’s size gives it a better chance to win. Predicted winner: Wildcat
MIDWEST
**Kentucky Wildcat vs. Michigan Wolverine
In my opinion, the Wolverine presents a stronger case to beat a wildcat than the Badger. It is nearly the length of the Wildcat, stands one foot tall, but handily outweighs it, at 55 pounds. That kind of mass with that low center of gravity? That there’s Gator tactics. The Wildcat and Wolverine have each defeated large hoofstock (the Mustang and Longhorn, respectively) and trounced a small fry (a cardinal and the Terrier). Each has also faced an armed man, but the Wildcat defeated a farmer while the Wolverine took down a damn frontier soldier. The edge, in multiple dimensions, belongs to the Wolverine. Predicted winner: Wildcat
Hopefully we can keep this half-plus-one trend going and predict 3 of 4 correctly!
~ Sean
Nothing Everyday 
